Why Does My Life Suck if I Create My Own Realioty?

Why Does Life Suck if I Create My Own Reality?

Can you explain how we create our own reality and destiny? Why does my life suck then?

The soul is on a constant quest. In old lore, this was called the quest for the Holy Grail – a rich metamorphic symbolism used by an alchemist to describe the experience of the soul.

The Holy Grail was the mythic chalice that caught the blood of Christ after his side was pierced with a spear while he was hanging upon the cross. It was said that whoever found and drank from the Grail would have Immortality and Power beyond what any human could conceive of.

Supposedly, Hitler was obsessed with the Holy Grail. He missed the point, however. As the Holy Grail is not tangible or real, rather it is an “experience of becoming.”

Alchemy is the process of changing a base material into a superior one. True alchemy is about transformation. About moving from a life of neediness, attachment, despair, unawareness, not knowing, and suffering to a life of eternal love, knowing, awareness, and joy.

We are all called to be an alchemist in our lives. We are all called to transform ourselves from one state to another. In this act of transformation comes the creation of reality and destiny, as conceived by our soul, and put into action by our soul.

Deepak Chopra explains the process in his book The Way of the Wizard. I’ll summarize here the understanding I have come to gain of it, with the understanding that this is only one belief system and it’s not one anyone is obligated to live by.

So here is the path of the soul in our world. Here are the stages and states of the soul.

Birth – Born into Innocence

When we are born, we are born into innocence. We have come from the world of pure spirit into the material world of matter. We are not born evil or bad. We are not born with sin. We are simply born into the physical shell which our parents created for us. We, in essence, have come from the point of timelessness into a point of limitation. This is the point at which we all come and the point with which we all must eventually seek to overcome.

Babies, early in their young life, look at the world from a perspective of awe. Everything they see is bigger than they. Everything is almost magical.

A person cannot remain innocent forever. Emotions soon begin to complicate the baby’s world. Fear, anger, sadness, despair, are all experienced. Innocence is thus lost. The state of pure spirit, or that from which they came from, is forgotten.

It is only in pure spirit, however, that one can return to innocence. It is only in pure spirit that one can feel completeness. We will discuss this later.


Soon the Ego is born. The Ego is the part of the self that learns to separate things. It learns to separate I from you and this from that. It learns to separate light from dark and good from evil. It is also the Ego which causes humans to desire power and control. Humans desire these things to try to compensate for the loss of innocence. They desire power and control to feel safe, secure, happy, etc.

At this stage, people look outward to validate themselves. New fears develop – especially the fear of abandonment and the need for approval.

As long as a person seeks power and control, they will always worry about being alone and not accepted. They will always feel, on some level, incomplete.

The Achiever

A new tendency develops in most of us at this time. We seek to achieve. We seek to have more. We are never satisfied with what we do have, rather we always long for something better. It is the Ego which drives this and the spirit tries to find completion in material things – most notably money and titles or prestige. In essence, however, people move further away from pure spirit.

As it continues to move away from spirit and as the ego continues to grow stronger a person typically becomes very unhappy. After all, no matter what is achieved, it is never enough. Even worse, there is the illusion that if something isn’t achieved we aren’t important enough, good enough, loved enough, or valued enough.

Depression and Anxiety are common traits people experience at this point.

The Giver

The Ego eventually realizes that achieving isn’t what results in happiness. If it’s not in achieving, it thinks, it must be in giving! So, people start to give. They give to charity. They give to friends. They give items, money, and even the self. In doing so, giving brings joy, happiness, and apparent peace.

In the Achieving stage, people were afraid of loss and having something taken from them. In the Giving stage, people loose without worry or fear. The loss still happens, but it somehow feels different to the individual. People now call it giving or sharing instead of losing.

There is a problem, however. Nobody can give of themselves and their possessions forever. Nobody can ever make everybody happy. You see, at this stage, we base happiness on if we can make or help someone else be happy. If so, we too feel happy. If not, we feel unhappy and frustrated.

The Seeker

When we realize that we can’t make everyone happy and we get tired of trying we enter a new stage; the stage of the Seeker.

At this stage, we feel there must be something greater. There must be something better and more important. We feel there must be a solution to everything somewhere.

Here is where most spiritual people find themselves. They meditate. They pray. They seek mystical experiences. All of these things are done to discover that which is greater. There is now an understanding that the material world can never fully satisfy the spirit.

Here a powerful spiritual opening eventually takes place. When it does we come to the realization that if one sees themselves as unworthy, they always will be. If one sees themselves as poor, they always will be. If one sees themselves as unhappy, they always will be. If one regrets the past, they always will stay connected to it. We understand that nobody truly has any answers for us, except the ones we discover for ourselves – the ones that are directly revealed to us.

This opening happens at different times in the Seekers experience. For some it comes early, for others, it must be bluntly pointed out to them. When this realization is fully integrated into the consciousness, that is fully understood,  a few things beings to happen.

A spiritually awakened person starts to give without expecting in return. They master compassion – but don’t lose themselves in the world of other people’s pains and sufferings.

They also begin to fully trust their intuition and understand only they can hear the answers that God/The Universal Spirit/Goddess has for them. At first, this voice is very quiet and hard to make out. It’s overridden by the voices of the Ego. The Ego seeks to destroy happiness. It reprimands us, scolds us, even tries to make us believed that the world is punishing us. The inner voice, however, seeks to be in a state of pure happiness and does not criticize. It guides us without harshness and without resorting to harmful acts to others or ourselves.

The spiritually awakened also will not fear solitude or aloneness – for these are just new opportunities to connect with and hear the Universal Spirit. Additionally, they will not seek approval; rather understand that the only one that must approve of anything is the self. As such, there is no longer a need for comparison.

Finally, and most importantly, they realize good and evil are the same. For those not awakened this can seem blasphemies and can be hard to conceive, and we should never force ourselves to reconcile this idea – for to be awakened spiritually it must come naturally and through self-exploration and experience. The spiritually awakened, however, understands pure spirit is neither good nor evil. It simply is. In the human world, people can choose to express pure spirit in harmful or constructive ways. Yet the idea of what is right or wrong in the human world entirely depends upon the point of perception.

Thus, the boyfriend that broke your heart or the mother that abandoned you as a child – from their perspective they did no wrong. From their perspective, they did only what they believed they had to do. The customer that cursed you and the thief that stole your goods, again, they did what they believed to be right. If you were them, you likely would have chosen the same paths they chose.

That’s not to say that there are no laws, rules, etiquette, and so forth that society should abide by. There certainly are, but any grudges we hold, any pain we choose to feel, it is our own doing to do so, and it is inspired by the Ego.

The Seer

From here the soul enters yet another state; the state of the seer.

Seeking in and of itself does not bring fulfillment. Fulfillment comes when the seeker becomes the seer. We now understand. We now comprehend. We don’t just understand and comprehend. We live. We choose to live in the physical world from the perspective of the spirit/soul.

We understand that we can travel between these states anytime we want. If today we want to be in Ego, we can. If tomorrow the Achiever, that is allowed. If a month from now we wish to be the Seeker, we can do that too. We can move from state to state, but we can never no longer see. We still understand what is happening, even if we choose to allow ourselves to be in a certain state.

We also understand that we can travel with another in any of the states they choose to be in. Would I tell the same thing to someone who is in the state of the seeker as I would someone in the state of Ego? Would I speak to one in the state of innocence like I would one who was walking the state of the seer? Would I ask the Giver the same thing I’d ask the Seeker? Of course not. You meet people where they are. You can lead them to another state, show the way, but they must choose to walk there on their own accord.

In this state, we also understand that there is yet another higher reality. A reality we can never, as humans, fully understand. A cosmic order and cosmic consciousness we belong to.

Yet, at the same time, we live in a world where we have free will and still don’t fully control. We come to understand that just like good and evil, free will and destiny are the same energy. Despite this, we are okay with it, for we understand that it is all good and with purpose from the Divine’s perspective.

When fully integrated into this state we feel content. We don’t seek happiness because we realize we are already happy.

Likewise, we allow others to be who they choose to be and love them just the same. We may not always like what they choose to do or how they choose to behave, but we understand that what we like or don’t like is a matter of Ego and has nothing to do with their personal path.


The final state is the state of pure spirit. It is that state from which we originally came. Here we know God, and yet realize that the journey has truly just begun. Here we now see everything connected at the spirit level. We no longer choose to live in the physical world from a spiritual perspective – rather the physical and spiritual just blend together as one.

There is no longer a separation of mind and body or life and death. They are all the same. Though Deepak doesn’t talk about it, here is the world that many Shamans, Gurus, and Spiritual Teachers reside in. There is no Ego here. It is beautiful, it is awe-inspiring, and it is truly fulfilling in and of itself.


  • A person will not normally skip states/stages. They will typically experience them in order.
  • A person, as was mentioned, may choose to go back to earlier states and in a sense, the state of Spirit is very much the same as the state of Innocence.
  • Understanding and experiencing/living in a state are not the same thing.
  • Ego is a very powerful force. It CAN be good at certain times in our human history, but it CAN also be quite destructive if we allow it to be.
  • No given state is any better or worse than any other state. No given state is more powerful or higher. They all exist for a reason, and they all have a purpose. If you find yourself in the state of the achiever, continue to work to be the best achiever you can be. If you find yourself in the state of the Giver – keep being the best giver you can until you’re ready to seek. If you are in the state of the seeker, explore and experiment with various systems of spiritual knowledge. The point is, don’t feel that anyone is more right or wrong than another. Rather, work to be involved in that state/stage the best you can.

Back to the Original Questions

So how do we create reality?

Ultimately, it is created by what we choose to believe and how we integrated the material/physical world into our belief system.

We could talk about the Law of Attraction, and we could talk about Creative Manifestation and both of those have a place in reality creation – but ultimately, reality is governed by thought and belief. Our thoughts, each other’s thoughts, and even the Divine’s thoughts all work to create reality in some aspect. When two realities come into contact with each other – a common reality – what we call ordinary reality or the “real” world will develop.

The term “real” here is misleading, though. For that common reality is no less or more real than any other we experience. How we choose to experience and ultimately the meaning we choose to give to the experience is far more important than the experiences in and of themselves. This, the how, is determined largely by the soul state we have obtained by the time of the experience.

Likewise, people have a tendency to not consider the spiritual “real.” When they meditate or pray or go to a spiritual class or workshop, or even go on a retreat or vacation, they leave saying to themselves “Well that was nice, but it’s back to reality now.” How destructive this is! The reality is what is real to an individual at any given moment. While realities may be different, one should not be seen as better than another or an escapist from another.

As for why does life suck for some people?

If you’ve been keeping up, I do not need to explain this. Life never truly sucks. All good and bad are the same energy interpreted in different ways. All good and bad in our lives have reason and purpose even if we can’t understand it at that given moment. Even if someone we care about dies, at the highest level there is an understanding that they didn’t die, but just transformed states of being. This doesn’t necessarily take away the human response of pain. We will all feel pain. Pain will never stop. It’s just part of the human experience. As the old saying goes pain is a given, suffering is optional. The trick is not to keep reliving the same pain over and over again – this is when pain becomes suffering.

What we may at first believe to be the worst thing to ever happen to us could, later in retrospect, be the most important life-changing miracle we could have ever been granted and participate in.

Closing Thoughts

As a closing, let me use an example from my own life.

My mother walked out on me when I was a young child. At the time I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I was filled with guilt, fear, anger, and sadness. How could a mother leave her child with an elderly woman (my great-grandmother) who was so strict and mean? How could she give up her own flesh and blood? Why didn’t she love me?

I cried about this for years. I suffered from this for years. I attended many therapy sessions to try and understand how a person’s own mother could do this. I never got any real answers.

Many years later, in the seeker stage, I came to understand that my Mother left me because she was involved in an abusive relationship and that was the only way to save me from the abuse which she endured. It was because she left me I was allowed to grow up in a middle-class family instead of a family of poverty. It was because she walked out that I was able to attend a Catholic school and have the friends that I would have and the education I would have. Had she never walked out, my life would have been very different. Again, from the perspective of spirit, that difference would not have been bad or worse – but it would have been different.

Now I look at my mother not from a perspective of betrayal – not from a place of hurt and pain – but from a loving adoration. That one act, which years ago I had condemned and thought was the end of my world – that one act was done from her perspective out of a place of total love and hope. Hope I would have a better life and that I would be a better person. I can proudly say that her hopes were not only realized, but her gift of love given at that moment and time in my life was the catalyst for all that is today.

She walked around for years with this feeling of shame that she had done something wrong. Worried I’d never forgive her. I never knew this. In fact, neither of us, in our states of Ego, could see the bigger picture. We could not possibly have understood the purpose everything served.

So try not to look at events when they occur from the eyes of destruction. See them for what they are – catalysts that can, if you allow them, transform your life far beyond what it could have been otherwise.

You too can step into the state of the seer, even the state of pure spirit and you can learn to travel the states of the soul and meet people where they are. It’s not done through intellect, however. It is done through life experience and practice. It is done by living and interacting with life at all levels.

SHARE: Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail
Posted in Ask a Psychic & Mystic.