Spiritual Lesson - Healthy Keys to Healing and Processing Anger

Spiritual Lesson – Healthy Keys for Resolving and Processing Anger

Anger is a human emotion that EVERYONE will feel at various points and times in their lives. Learning how to deal with anger effectively can be all the difference between having a happy and good life and living a miserable unhappy life.

An Introduction to the Topic of Anger

Let’s start with some basics.

Anger is not bad.

I’ll say that again in case you missed or have misunderstood other spiritual teachings and practices. The emotion of anger is NOT bad. In fact, anger does not make you a sinner or a bad person. Anger in and of itself does not cause the Law of Attraction to do anything. In fact, anger is an emotion, plain and simple. What you do with that anger, however, can be bad. What you do with anger can make you a sinner or a bad person. How you use your energy WILL determine how the Law of Attraction plays out in your life.

Anger, like all emotions, is trying to show and tell us something important. When we feel angry our body and emotions – our higher-self even – is trying to let us know that something which is important and matters to us has been violated and that we consider something that has occurred to create this violation as being wrong. It further tells us that something needs to be done so that we do not encounter the same issues or violation again.

With this in mind, let’s talk about some healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with and removing anger from our lives. Let’s also explore this concept of emotions attracting things to us so we can better understand exactly what is meant when I or someone else says “what you feel you attract just as much as what you think or say.”

4 Unhealthy Ways of Dealing with Anger

  1. Avoiding dealing with it or ignoring it

When you avoid dealing with anger or ignore it you actually release it in a manner that’s going to ultimately be destructive. See the last section entitled Emotions and the Law of Attraction. Even if you don’t release it and just keep it in your head and constantly stew over it and go over it, again and again, you will find that this is a very powerful method of creating things you don’t want in your life.

  1. Verbally exploding at someone

Our words are ten times more powerful than our thoughts or emotions. What we say does matter. How we say something matters. To spew out at someone may quail the angry beast within, but it will do a great deal of damage both to you and others in the process.

  1. Physically assaulting someone

It goes without saying that expressing anger as physical violence towards other people or things (especially when it is towards another person) is unhealthy. Once again, like verbally exploding, it may feel good at the moment, but it’s not acceptable and will cause far more harm than good for both you and others.

  1. Venting to someone else about it

Many would think this is a good thing. Go have a bitch session with your friends or gripe about life with someone you’re close to. The problem is when you vent in this manner you are taking the energy and using it in such a way that you’re making it even more real. Thus, it tends to eventually manifest similar things in your or the other people’s lives. Only in the case of being able to vent to someone who is naturally optimistic and positive is there any benefit that tends to be gained from this. Friends or people that only want to agree with you and your anger and who get drawn into the darkness only continue to perpetuate the energy in your life.

6 Steps for Removing Primary Anger

The following is the process for removing primary anger – anger that is between you and another living person that you are capable of communicating with and who is willing to communicate with you.

In cases where this is not possible other techniques and methods will need to be utilized. See the next section on Removing Solitary Anger.

  1. Pray about it first.

You can use a prayer from any faith or religion. I’ve included an affirmative prayer below. Regardless of what prayer you choose, saying the prayer helps to put the heart, mind, and soul in the proper place to more effectively resolve the anger.

I send out loving thoughts and feelings of goodwill, happiness, and joy to ___________. I affirm, claim, and believe that my relationship with _____________ will be harmonious, pleasant, and satisfactory. Divine love, harmony, peace, and beauty flow through my thoughts, words, and deeds, and I am constantly releasing the imprisoned splendor within me. I am happy, joyous, and free, bubbling over with enthusiasm, and I rejoice in the goodness of God in the land of the living and in the innate goodness of all people.

Adapted from Joseph Murphy’s, The Cosmic Power Within You, page 40.

  1. Pick a time and place for anger resolution

It must be a mutually agreed upon time and place. There must be enough time allotted to the activity. Ideally, you should plan for a full hour and acknowledge that breaks may need to be taken and that everything may not be resolved in a single session.

  1. Admit you are angry

Tell the person you are angry with that you are angry and why. The worst thing you can do is keep it inside or make them guess. People can’t fix what they don’t know is broken and why it is broken. The other person should agree, during this time, to just listen and not interrupt.

  1. Allow them time for an explanation

Many times we are angry about the wrong thing or we are angry for the wrong reasons. Our mind jumps to conclusions or makes judgments before we have all the facts. Before fully passing judgment, allow the other person time to explain so you can double check on if you are still actually angry with them or not. While the explanation is given it is important for the other person to listen without interrupting.

  1. Seek a resolution and give forgiveness

Once both parties understand why there is anger the two can work to seek a mutually agreed upon resolution. This resolution will typically involve both making an agreement of some type. It’s also normal for some type of forgiveness or forgiveness work to happen here too.

  1. Reaffirm your love or friendship

Being able to let go of the anger after a resolution is the key to the whole process. This is done by both people reaffirming their love or friendship with each other in words and also reconnecting through physical touch (a kiss if a couple or a hug if friends).

To not be able to reaffirm the love or friendship is a sign that the anger was not resolved. In that case, it must be asked, why? Chances are good that something was triggered within you that is reflective of childhood or previous life experiences which resulted in similar angry emotions and that needs to be worked through also to fully resolve the anger. Either repeat the process with that person too or, if unable to, see the next section on removing solitary anger.

5 Steps for Removing Solitary Anger

Solitary anger is any anger we have that is based almost entirely on the self or that we are unable to resolve because the other person isn’t capable of being part of the resolution. Examples would be being angry at yourself for something you’ve done, being angry at someone who has passed away, being angry at someone who is mentally unaware, and being angry at a young child incapable of comprehending and/or speaking.

Here are the steps for removing solitary anger. Be warned, modern psychology through their research disagrees with the majority of these steps at this point and time. Having said this, there are many people that have still derive benefit from following this process.

  1. Express the anger

There are many ways of doing this. In all cases, it should be done either privately or with a person you trust that can be fully present with you as you express the anger. While you are expressing the anger, you are not directing it at another real/living person.

You may choose to:

  • Beat on a pillow
  • Take your aggression out on a punching bag
  • Scream, sometimes repeatedly
  • Throw darts at a picture
  • Write a letter saying what needs to be said
  • Verbalize or even yell at a stuffed animal
  • Draw a picture of what your anger looks like
  • Rip up paper or a picture

You may do one of these or you may combine one or more together. As you do the activity or activities it should be consciously focused on the fact that you are releasing the anger. The point is, you must get the emotions out of the body and mind.

For people who have trouble doing this, it is many times because as children they were punished for expressing such emotions or they were lead to believe that expressing such emotions were bad. They may, quite literally, have to force themselves to express the emotions associated with the anger and realize they, in fact, are still okay even after having done so.

Having a caring, trusted person present can help keep a person focused on the task and purpose of the task while also offering emotional support and comfort.

Please note, engaging in these exercises don’t necessarily mean you’ll feel good after completing them. In fact, you may initially feel worse and all sorts of bad and guilt related feelings may get stirred up. As mentioned, in this case having someone who can affirm that you are still a good and wonderful person and be present with you as you work through the exercise will be of benefit.

  1. Punish the offender

Understand that I’m not talking about actually punishing anyone. This is more a mental exercise, a creative visualization if you would, to help resolve inner anger. Please note, this step really should never be contemplated with an actual living person whom you are capable of working with to remove primary anger. This step is mostly designed to be used with people who are no longer living and that you have unresolved anger with.

In all cases you need to think about the person you are angry with and why you are angry. Then you may choose to:

  • See them in your mind and imagine what you would do to or have happened to them
  • Write about what you would do to or have happened to them
  • Draw a picture of what you would do to or have happened to them
  • Write their name on a piece of paper and burn it
  • Carve their name on a white candle, put foil around it shiny side in, and put in the freezer
  • Talk about what you wish could/would happen to the person with someone you trust

The point of this is to get feelings of revenge, anger, and hostility resolved.

You are asked to do this consciously with the understanding that after it is done it is released and over. Just as when a parent punishes a child, once the punishment commences it’s time for everyone to move on and to no longer hold grudges.

While many people and other professionals frown at these first two steps for very good reasons, it has been my experience that many people internally need these two steps to be able to move forward and on to more healthy steps of processing.

  1. Understand the person, their past, and the situation

After you finish the first two steps you can begin the process of understanding the person and their life. You can work to see the person and the event or events through a different set of eyes. This does not mean you are “okay” with what happened. Nor does it mean you are “approving” of what has occurred.

If you are angry at yourself – try to understand that you were a different person and that as people we are always learning, growing, and hopefully evolving. Ask yourself or discuss with someone you trust:

  • How is holding on to my anger negatively impacting me and/or the people around me?
  • What did I learn from this experience?
  • How am I going to use this information in the future?
  • How will I do things differently next time?

If you are angry at a child or someone who lacks mental capacity – remind yourself they can’t help it. That if they were older or their situation different they would respond differently. Remind yourself that you are the adult here and thus are responsible for acting the part. Ask yourself or discuss with someone you trust:

  • How is holding on to my anger negatively impacting me and/or the people around me?
  • If I was them, how would I feel if someone was angry at me?
  • If I was them, how would I want someone else to respond to me and the situation?
  • Knowing what I know now, how am I going to handle the person/situation differently?

If you are angry at someone who passed away – try to understand what their life was like and how it could have resulted in them acting and behaving in the manner they did. Again, you are not saying it is “okay” or that you “approve,” but rather you understand why things happened the way they did. Additionally, in doing this you are helping yourself to separate the inner wounded child from the now powerful adult. Ask yourself or discuss with someone you trust:

  • How is holding on to my anger negatively impacting me and/or the people around me?
  • What was this person’s childhood like?
  • What was this person’s life in general like?
  • What was this person’s greatest flaw and how did it help create the events I am angry over?
  • As a child or person at a different time in my life than now, how was I powerless in the situation?
  • Am I a different person now than then? How so?
  • If the me of now was involved in the same situation how would I respond now and how is that different than then?
  • Do I deserve to be free from the pain associated with this event?
  • When do I give myself permission to be free because I understand the circumstances of my life were different then than now?
  1. Forgive the person

At this point, you begin to move from anger resolution and removal to forgiveness work. Please read the spiritual lesson from last week to more fully understand the forgiveness process and how to do forgiveness work.

  1. Pray about it

Prayer is a great way to end the process of removing solitary anger. In truth, it is possible to skip the other four steps and move directly here, but most people tend to have mental blocks that prevent them from doing this.

Once again, a prayer from any religious faith may be used, but an Affirmative prayer is offered here.

“I fully and freely forgive everyone who has ever hurt me. I release them, and it is done with forever. Whenever I think of any one of them, I bless that person. I forget the past and give my attention to a glorious future of perfect health, harmony, and peace. My mind is poised, serene, and calm. In this atmosphere of peace and goodwill which surrounds me, I feel a deep abiding strength and freedom from all fear. I now sense and feel the love and beauty of the Cosmic Healing Presence.

Day by day I become more aware of God’s love; all that is false fades away. I now allow the Cosmic river of peace and healing power to flow through my whole body. I reset in the everlasting arms of peace. My peace is the deep unchanging Cosmic peace, the peace of God.”  – Dr. Joseph Murphy, The Cosmic Power Within You, Page 160.

Emotions and the Law of Attraction

It is true that our emotions attract situations in our lives that will produce and replicate the emotions that we feel. However, especially in the case of negative emotions, it is far more healthy and productive to identify those emotions and resolve them as opposed to stuffing or trying to ignore them.

When you stuff or try to ignore a negative emotion what in essence you are doing is directing the negative emotion right back into the Universe and letting go of it. This WILL produce situations around you that mirror and recreate that particular negative emotion.

When you identify the negative emotion and choose to resolve the negative emotion – in the practice of doing that you do not release and send the emotion into the Universe, rather you replace the negative emotion with different and typically more positive emotion and send that new emotion into the Universe to be mirrored back into your life.

Think about it. When a negative emotion is resolved you feel a sense of peace and many times even happiness. Wouldn’t you rather attract peace or happiness into your life as opposed to more sadness, anger, bitterness, hostility, frustration, etc? Of course!!! So don’t just ignore those negative emotions, but process and deal with them! In doing that, you are recreating, for the better, your life experience. You are replacing the negative emotion – taking the power it has over your life away from it – with a different far more powerful and superior emotion. As the old saying goes, a positive thought will always be more powerful than a negative one. The same is true of words and emotions. Positive words and emotions will always be more powerful than negative ones.

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Posted in Mind, Body, & Spirit.