Why Does Life Suck if I Create My Own Reality?

Pure SpiritCan you explain how we create our own reality and destiny? Why does my life suck then? 

The soul is on a constant quest. In old lore this was called the quest for the Holy Grail – a rich metamorphic symbolism used by alchemist to describe the experience of the soul.

The Holy Grail was the mythic chalice that caught the blood of Christ after his side was pierced with a spear while he was hanging upon the cross. It was said that whoever found and drank form the Grail would have Immortality and Power beyond what any human could conceive of.

Supposedly, Hitler was obsessed with the Holy Grail. He missed the point, however. As the Holy Grail is not tangible or real, rather it is an “experience of becoming.”

Alchemy is the process of changing a base material into a superior one. True alchemy is about transformation. About moving from a life of neediness, attachment, despair, unawareness, not knowing, and suffering to a life of eternal love, knowing, awareness, and joy.

We are all called to be alchemist in our lives. We are all called to transform ourselves from one state to another. In this act of transformation comes the creation of reality and destiny, as conceived by our soul, and put into action by our soul.

Deepak Chopra explains the process in his book The Way of the Wizard. I’ll summarize here the understanding I have come to gain of it, with the understanding that this is only one belief system and it’s not one anyone is obligated to live by.

So here is the path of the soul in our world. Here are the stages and states of the soul.

Birth - InnocenceBirth – Born into Innocence

When we are born we are born into innocence. We have come from the world of pure spirit into the material world of matter. We are not born evil or bad. We are not born with sin. We are simply born into the physical shell which our parents created for us. We, in essence, have come from a point of timelessness into a point of limitation. This is the point with which we all come and the point with which we all must eventually seek to overcome.

Babies, early in their young life, look at the world from a perspective of awe. Everything they see is bigger then they. Everything is almost magical.

A person can not remain innocent forever. Emotions soon begin to complicate the baby’s world. Fear, anger, sadness, despair, is all experienced. Innocence is thus lost. The state of pure spirit, or that from which they came from, is forgotten.

It is only in pure spirit, however, that one can return to innocence. It is only in pure spirit that one can feel completeness. We will discuss this more later.


Soon the Ego is born. The Ego is the part of the self that learns to separate things. It learns to separate I from you and this from that. It learns to separate light from dark and good from evil. It is also the Ego which causes humans to desire power and control. Humans desire these things in order to try to compensate for the loss of innocence. They desire power and control to feel safe, secure, happy, etc.

At this stage people look outward to validate themselves. New fears develop – especially the fear of abandonment and the need for approval.

As long as a person seeks power and control they will always worry about being alone and not accepted. They will always feel, on some level, incomplete.

The Achiever The Achiever

A new tendency develops in most of us at this time. We seek to achieve. We seek to have more. We are never satisfied with what we do have, rather we always long for something better. It is the Ego which drives this and the spirit tries to find completion in material things – most notably money and titles or prestige. In essence, however, people move further away from pure spirit.

As it continues to move away from spirit and as the ego continues to grow stronger a person typically becomes very unhappy. After all, no matter what is achieved, it is never enough. Even worse, there is the illusion that if something isn’t achieved we aren’t important enough, good enough, loved enough, or valued enough.

Depression and Anxiety are common traits people experience at this point.

The GiverThe Giver

The Ego eventually realizes that achieving isn’t what results in happiness. If it’s not in achieving, it thinks, it must be in giving! So, people start to give. They give to charity. They give to friends. They give items, money, and even the self. In doing so, giving brings joy, happiness, and apparent peace.

In the Achieving stage people were afraid of loss and having something taken from them. In the Giving stage people loose without worry or fear. Loss still happens, but it somehow feels different to the individual. People now call it giving or sharing instead of losing.

There is a problem, however. Nobody can give of themselves and their possessions forever. Nobody can ever make everybody happy. You see, at this stage we base happiness on if we can make or help someone else be happy. If so, we too feel happy. If not, we feel unhappy and frustrated.

The SeekerThe Seeker

When we realize that we can’t make everyone happy and we get tired of trying we enter a new stage; the stage of the Seeker.

At this stage we feel there must be something greater. There must be something better and more important. We feel there must be a solution to everything somewhere.

Here is where most spiritual people find themselves. They meditate. They pray. They seek mystical experiences. All of these things are done in effort to discover that which is greater. There is now an understanding that the material world can never fully satisfy the spirit.

Here a powerful spiritual opening eventually takes place. When it does we come to the realization that if one sees themselves as unworthy, they always will be. If one sees themselves as poor, they always will be. If one sees themselves as unhappy, they always will be. If one regrets the past, they always will stay connected to it. We understand that nobody truly has any answers for us, except the ones we discover for ourselves – the ones that are directly revealed to us.

This opening happens at different times in the Seekers experience. For some it comes early, for others it must be bluntly pointed out to them. When this realization is fully integrated into the consciousness, that is fully understood,  a few things beings to happen.

A spiritually awakened person starts to give without expecting in return. They master compassion – but don’t loose themselves in the world of other people’s pains and sufferings.

They also begin to fully trust their intuition and understand only they can hear the answers that God/The Universal Spirit/Goddess has for them. At first, this voice is very quiet and hard to make out. It’s over ridden by the voices of the Ego. The Ego seeks to destroy happiness. It reprimands us, scolds us, even tries to make us believed that the world is punishing us. The inner voice, however, seeks to be in a state of pure happiness and does not criticize. It guides us without harshness and without resorting to harmful acts to others or ourselves.

The SeekerThe spiritually awakened also will not fear solitude or being alone – for these are just new opportunities to connect with and hear the Universal Spirit. Additionally, they will not seek approval; rather understand that the only one that must approve of anything is the self. As such, there is no longer a need for comparison.

Finally, and most importantly, they realize good and evil are the same. For those not awakened this can seem blasphemies and can be hard to conceive and we should never force ourselves to reconcile this idea – for to be awakened spiritually it must come naturally and through self exploration and experience. The spiritually awakened, however, understands pure spirit is neither good nor evil. It simply is. In the human world people can choose to express pure spirit in harmful or constructive ways. Yet the idea of what is right or wrong in the human world entirely depends upon the point of perception.

Thus, the boyfriend that broke your heart or the mother that abandoned you as a child – from their perspective they did no wrong. From their perspective, they did only what they believed they had to do. The customer that cursed you and the thief that stole your goods, again, they did what they believed to be right. If you were them, you likely would have chosen the same paths they chose.

That’s not to say that in the human world there are not laws, rules, etiquette, and so forth that society should abide by – there certainly are, but any grudges we hold, any pain we choose to feel, it is our own doing to do so and it is inspired by the Ego.

The SeerThe Seer

From here the soul enters yet another state; the state of the seer.

Seeking in and of itself does not bring fulfillment. Fulfillment comes when the seeker becomes the seer. We now understand. We now comprehend. We don’t just understand and comprehend, however, we live. We choose to live in the physical world from the perspective of the spirit/soul.

We understand that we can travel between these states anytime we want. If today we want to be in Ego, we can. If tomorrow the Achiever, that is allowed. If a month from now we wish to be the Seeker, we can do that too. We can move from state to state, but we can never no longer see. We still understand what is happening, even if we choose to allow ourselves to be in a certain state.

We also understand that we can travel with another in any of the states they choose to be in. Would I tell the same thing to someone who is in the state of the seeker as I would someone in the state of Ego? Would I speak to one in the state of innocence like I would one who was walking the state of the seer? Would I ask the Giver the same thing I’d ask the Seeker? Of course not. You meet people where they are. You can lead them to another state, show the way, but they must choose to walk their on their own accord.

At this state we also understand that there is yet another higher reality. A reality we can never, as humans, fully understand. A cosmic order and cosmic consciousness we belong to.

Yet, at the same time, we live in a world where we have free will and still don’t fully control. We come to understand that just like good and evil, free will and destiny are the same energy. Despite this, we are okay with it, for we understand that it is all good and with purpose from the Divine’s perspective.

When fully integrated into this state we feel content. We don’t seek happiness, because we realize we are already happy.

Likewise, we allow others to be who they choose to be and love them just the same. We may not always like what they choose to do or how they choose to behave, but we understand that what we like or don’t like is a matter of Ego and has nothing to do with their personal path.


The finale state is the state of pure spirit. It is that state from which we originally came. Here we know God, and yet realize that the journey has truly just begun. Here we now see everything connected at the spirit level. We no longer choose to live in the physical world from a spiritual perspective – rather the physical and spiritual just blend together as one.

There is no longer a separation of mind and body or life and death. They are all the same. Though Deepak doesn’t talk about it, here is the world many Shamans, Gurus, and Spiritual Teachers reside in. There is no Ego here. It is beautiful, it is awe inspiring, and it is truly fulfilling in and of itself.


  • A person will not normally skip states/stages. They will typically experience them in order.
  • A person, as was mentioned, may choose to go back to earlier states and in a sense the state of Spirit is very much the same as the state of Innocence.
  • Understanding and experiencing/living a state are not the same thing.
  • Ego is a very powerful force. It CAN be good at certain times in our human history, but it CAN also be quite destructive if we allow it to be.
  • No given state is any better or worse than any other state. No given state is more powerful or higher. They all exist for a reason and they all have purpose. If you find yourself in the state of the achiever, continue to work to be the best achiever you can be. If you find yourself in the state of the giver – keep being the best giver you can until you’re ready to seek. If you are in the state of the seeker, explore and experiment with various systems of spiritual knowledge. The point is, don’t feel that any one is more right or wrong than another. Rather, work to be involved in that state/stage the best you can.

Back to the Original Questions

So how do we create reality?

Ultimately, it is created by what we choose to believe and how we integrated the material/physical world into our belief system.

We could talk about the Law of Attraction and we could talk about Creative Manifestation and both of those have a place in reality creation – but ultimately, reality is governed by thought and belief. Our thoughts, each others thoughts, and even the Divine’s thoughts all work to create reality in some aspect. When two realities come into contact with each other – a common reality – what we call ordinary reality or the “real” world will develop.

The term “real” here is misleading though. For that common reality is no less or more real than any other we experience. How we choose to experience and ultimately the meaning we choose to give to the experience is far more important than the experiences in and of themselves. This, the how, is determined largely by the soul state we have obtained by the time of the experience.

Likewise, people have a tendency to not consider the spiritual “real.” When they meditate or pray or go to a spiritual class or workshop, or even go on a retreat or vacation, they leave saying to themselves “Well that was nice, but it’s back to reality now.” How destructive this is! Reality is what is real to an individual in any given moment. While realities may be different, one should not be seen as better than another or an escapist from another.

As for why does life suck for some people?

If you’ve been keeping up I do not need to explain this. Life never truly sucks. All good and bad are the same energy interpreted in different ways. All good and bad in our lives have reason and purpose even if we can’t understand it in that given moment. Even if someone we care about dies, at the highest level there is an understanding that they didn’t die, but just transformed states of being. This doesn’t necessarily take away the human response of pain. We will all feel pain. Pain will never stop. It’s just part of the human experience. As the old saying goes pain is a given, suffering is optional. The trick is not to keep reliving the same pain over and over again – this is when pain becomes suffering.

What we may at first believe to be the worst thing to ever happen to us could, later in retrospect, be the most important life changing miracle we could have ever been granted and participated in.

Closing Thoughts

As a closing, let me use an example from my own life.

My mother walked out on me when I was a young child. At the time I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I was filled with guilt, fear, anger, and sadness. How could a mother leave her child with an elderly woman (my great-grandmother) who was so strict and mean? How could she give up her own flesh and blood? Why didn’t she love me?

I cried about this for years. I suffered with this for years. I attended many therapy sessions to try and understand how a person’s own mother could do this. I never got any real answers.

Many years later, in the seeker stage, I came to understand that my Mother left me because she was involved in an abusive relationship and that was the only way to save me from the abuse which she herself endured. It was because she left me I was allowed to grow up in a middle class family instead of a family of poverty. It was because she walked out that I was able to attended a Catholic school and have the friends that I would have and the education I would have. Had she never walked out, my life would have been very different. Again, from the perspective of spirit, that different would not have been bad or worse – but it would have been different.

Me, Grandfather, and Mom - Wedding DayNow I look at my mother not from a perspective of betrayal – not from a place of hurt and pain – but from a loving adoration. That one act, which years ago I had condemned and thought was the end of my world – that one act was done from her perspective out of a place of total love and hope. Hope I would have a better life and that I would be a better person. I can proudly say, that as she comes closer and closer to her time of transition from the physical to the spiritual, that her hopes were not only realized, but her gift of love given at that moment and time in my life was the catalyst for all that is today.

She walked around for years with this feeling of shame that she had done something wrong. Worried I’d never forgive her. I never knew this. In fact, neither of us, in our states of Ego, could see the bigger picture. We could not possibly have understood the purpose everything was serving.

So try not to look at events when they occur from the eyes of destruction. See them for what they are – catalysts that can, if you allow them, transform your life far beyond what it could have been otherwise.

You too can step into the state of the seer, even the state of pure spirit and you can learn to travel the states of the soul and meet people where they are. It’s not done through intellect, however. It is done through life experience itself and practice. It is done by living and interacting with life at all levels.

Can You Do the Lesser Banishing Ritual Anywhere Anytime?

For December’s question of the month we answer the question can you do the Lesser Banishing Ritual anywhere anytime?

The quick answer is yes. This is especially true once you have mastered the ritual and know it inside and out by heart. Even so, if you are a beginner, it is highly recommended that you perform the LBRP in the physical world – at least until you know it, the words, and visualizations that go along with it by heart.

The Power of Ritual Comes from the Will – Not the Tools

Many people think that in order to perform a ritual one must have all the tools, and that they must wait for a specific day or moon, and so forth. This is simply not true. The tools you use only serve to direct energy. They in and of themselves do not create or make anything happen. The energy is already present both in our physical world and in the non physical world. When we do a ritual or magic spell we collect and direct that energy – but we do not typically create new energy.

It’s the inner will of the one performing the ritual which both creates and allows things to happen. When one uses their inner will to direct energy to manifest any type of result – this is technically what is called magick.

We spell magick in this case with a “k” instead of just a “c” to differentiate between stage magic and sleight of hand or illusions and real world magick or the use of the will to manifest and/or create results.

Once a person is proficient in the workings of the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, they can simply do it in their mind no matter where they are. They don’t have to perform it in the physical world for it to be effective. Performing in on the mental plane will be equally as effective as performing it in the physical and material world.

Why This is True

There is an old hermetic law that essentially says “As above, so below.” The implications of this are many. For our purposes, in today’s discussion, it’s important to understand that what you do on one plane of existence equally impacts and effects the other planes of existence.

Thus, if you can do a ritual mentally with the correct emotions and spiritual focus, it will act as though it has occurred within the physical realm even without doing anything in the physical realm.

This is the reason thought forms are so dangerous. When we think negative thoughts, be it about another person or ourselves, we are throwing that energy around and that energy is impacting others. This is true regardless of if we consciously are trying to do it or not.

This is one reason magic practitioners would do well to practice some form of consistent meditation. To keep the mind clear and calm and the emotions under control.

The Dangers of Mental Rituals

Where people get into trouble is when they don’t really know a ritual well enough to be able to clearly see themselves and all the visualizations that go along with it. They also get themselves into trouble by loosing concentration and focus or by trying to perform a ritual while emotionally vulnerable or unstable. These are all magikcal no-no’s.

A magick ritual or spell should never be attempted when in a highly unstable emotional state. The ungrounded emotions can cause effects that one may not find desirable.

Likewise, if the mind is cloudy it is also not a great idea to work with magick. Again, doing so may at best cause the work to fail or be incomplete and at worse it may cause undesirable consequences.

The reason students are encouraged to practice a ritual on the physical plane with all the ritual tools is so they can both truly learn the ritual, and also so that the ritual tools can help them to keep their focus and better direct the energies that they are working with.

A person can, does, and will eventually reach a level of proficiency where the physical world tools are not needed nor required to be able to successfully work with a ritual.

A Special Note for the Religious Minded

Though it is unlikely that many religious minded folks have read this far into this article, I would still like to close with some food for thought. For the religious among us, the concept we are talking about here is a lot like praying and similar considerations should be kept in mind.

Do you have to be in a Church or say a prayer out loud for it to be effective? No, of course not. It’s the intention that is put behind the prayer that makes the difference. However, some people certainly feel more comfortable and better aligned doing it in a Church or saying it out loud. Just as some people are going to feel better doing a magick based ritual in the physical world and saying its words out loud.

Should you only pray when you are upset? No, absolutely not. In fact, you will get a great deal more out of the praying experience if you make prayer an integral part of your daily life and not something you turn to just in moments of pain, unrest, and sadness. Likewise, those who practice magick will find they have better results when they integrate their practices into their daily life as opposed to just running to it when they feel they need it.

You will also find prayer having a more profound impact upon your life when it is used in moments of stillness and clarity. Likewise for the magick practitioner.

Magick is prayer and prayer is magick. They are one in the same. Though many will argue this point, and have historically for a long time, they are in essence the same energy as practiced by different religions/belief systems.

A New Moon Ritual for Manifestation

The new moon is a great time to do manifestation magick. What follows is a new moon ritual that can be done by most anyone. Though there are certainly pagan tones to the ritual, the open minded will find that it’s easy enough to change certain words to make it work for their own tradition.

Setup or What You Need

Table or altar in the center where the circle will be cast.

On the table is:

  • A vessel to burn paper in. This can be a cauldron or anything else that will safely hold burning incense and paper.
  • A green and red candle
  • Some Ylang/Ylang incense. If not available it may be omitted.
  • A bowl of kosher or sea salt.
  • A lighter/matches.
  • Paper and pen.
  • Sage or Frankincense

At each directional point is a purple candle and a tool to light it with. (Matches, lighter, etc.) as well as a candle snuffer.

Note: White candles may be used as a substitute for any other color candle, though the ritual is designed to be most effective with the color candles mentioned.


Ritual for Manifestation on the New Moon

Take the time to make sure the space where the ritual is to be performed is appropriately cleaned and is going to be safe.

Using Frankincense or Sage, clear the ritual area. As it is cleared say

YOU: Allow the white light of love and divine protection to clear and purify this space to make it sacred. Allow no outside negative influences to interfere. Allow only good to come into this space.

Carry kosher or sea sat clockwise around the circle and sprinkle it on the ground. You should complete three circles. As you do so, visualize first a flame around the circle, second a bubble encapsulating the circle, and third a white light coming down into the circle.

Facing east, light the candle. As the candle is light say:

YOU: Hail to the element of Air. I bid you welcome to my sacred circle. May you help in clarity of thought and then carry those thoughts into the world.

Turn South. Light the candle. As the candle is light say:

YOU: Hail to the element of Fire. I bid you welcome to my sacred circle. May your flame purify my thoughts so they work to create only good in my life.

Turn West. Light the candle. As the candle is light say:

YOU: Hail to the element of water. I bid you welcome to my sacred circle. May your presence add energy to the other directions where additional energy and nourishment is needed.

Turn North. Light the candle. As the candle is light say:

YOU: Hail to the element of earth. I bid you welcome to my sacred circle. May you purify and stabilize my emotions so they are solid in the work I do.

You should now move to the center of the circle and light the Red and Green Candles on the altar.

Now, look above.

YOU: To the Sky energy above that is known by many names. I ask that you be present to watch over and lend power to my work here.

Look down toward earth or reach down and touch the earth.

YOU: To Mother Earth who allows me to walk upon her soil and who supports every aspect of this life. I ask you to join forces with the Sky to watch over and lend power to my work here.

Turn focus back to the center.

YOU: May the Divine join me in this circle and bless this sacred work I do.

Allow a brief few moments of silence for the integration of energy. Then say.

YOU: Tonight, the night of the new moon, I gather in this circle to ask the blessing of the Divine to be upon me and the work I do.

YOU: This is a time of manifestation and creation. As such, I’m going to write upon paper three things I desire to manifest in the name of good, love, and harm to none. First: Something I desire for someone else. Second: Something I desire for the world. Third: Something I desire for myself.

Complete the task of writing these things down on paper.

After you’ve finished light the ylang/ylang incense and walk clockwise around the table with it before dropping it into the burning vessel. Return to center.

Approach the table and light the paper from the green candle then pass it through the flame of the red candle. You will then drop it into the burning vessel. As it burns and the smoke releases the intentions to be birthed into the world, chant and clap or simply say and repeat – “OM – So It Be.” Do this until the paper has burned out.

Once this task is finished take a few more moments in silence to allow for reflection on what has just occurred. You may want to do an appropriate meditation at this time as well. When finished say:

YOU: I am now ready to close this circle.

Close your eyes. Visualize in the circle a brilliant light shining all around. Gather this light and places it in the burning vessel. Take a deep breath in and exhale out sharply as you shoot the light and any remaining intentions within the burning vessel out and into the universe.

YOU: Now, before I return to my daily life, I give thanks to the Divine who make all things possible. Blessings to you oh Divine Energy. I bid you farewell for now but look forward to your return.

Face North. Snuff out the candle.

YOU: Blessings to you element of earth – who grounded and stabilized me. I bid you farewell for now but look forward to your return.

Face West. Snuff out the candle.

YOU: Blessings to you element of water – who lent your nourishment throughout this circle. I bid you farewell for now but look forward to your return.

Face South. Snuff out the candle.

YOU: Blessings to you element of fire – who purified my thoughts. I bid you farewell for now but look forward to your return.

Face East. Snuff out the candle.

YOU: Blessings to you element of air – who gave form and carried my thoughts for me into the real world. I bid you farewell for now but look forward to your return.

Walking counter clockwise around the circle, use your fingers to cut the circle. This is done three times. Once finished say:

YOU: It is complete. I go in peace, love, and joy knowing my intentions have been heard.

5 Ways the Mind Controls Our Happiness

There are actually more than 5 ways the mind controls our happiness. We will be only be looking at five in this article. To understand these mechanisms you first have to understand that human beings essentially have two parts to themselves. The true self and the egoic self. The rest of this article will help educate you on both parts and explain when and why the ego needs to be trained.

The True Self

The true self is the part of people that is naturally happy and content with life. It’s the natural state for all people in the world. Happy, content, loving. A person need not do anything special for the true self to have these feelings as the are already present.

The true self is also the part of the self that knows what an individual’s soul most needs to grow and expand. When a person is connected to their true self life feels magical. It just flows. Most people have times when they get a glimpse of what it is liked to be fully connected to the true self without interference from the ego. If you’ve ever had a day where everything seemed to fall into place and it felt just amazing – this was a day where you were tuned into your true self.

The Egoic Self

The ego as we talk about it in this article has nothing to do with the ego or superego of psychology and should not be confused as being the same thing. For our purposes, the ego is purely connected to spirituality.

This is the part of the self that constantly looks for ways to take happiness, love, and contentment away from the true self. It does this because, from its perspective, it believes it is trying to help improve life. What often happens, however, is most people fall into the trap of letting the ego override the true self. They become obsessed with egoic thinking and in so doing actually end up loosing and/or forgetting about the joy, happiness, contentment, and love which normally is already present in life.

5 Popular Ways the Egoic Mind Attacks

1. The Need for Perfection

Perfection can’t and doesn’t really exist in the physical world. The egoic mind doesn’t care about that. It tries to make many people believe that things have to be perfect and with this comes the idea that if things aren’t perfect, then life is ruined or they aren’t good or valuable people.

Perfectionism is one of the most horrible diseases a person can have. While it can serve the purpose of helping one to work toward being the best they can be, a person almost always ends up feeling like they can’t live up to perfection. Still, some will keep trying and trying…. trying to be something they aren’t and were never meant to be.

By letting go of the need to be perfect we release guilt and stress that often times accompanies it.

2. Fears and Worries

There are two types of fears. Intrinsic fear that arises in any given moment which triggers the fight or flight response. This is also called or known as healthy fear. It is apart of us geared toward helping to protect ourselves.

There is also false fear. Fear, a mentor once told me, is an acronym for false evidence appearing real. This is the fear that ultimately leads to stress and worry being placed upon the self.

Anytime a fear projects into the future it is subject to examination. While the egoic mind may think that having such fears is healthy, is it really? Most people create fears about the future. Fears in which there is no concrete evidence to indicate that the fear has any real value.

Our beliefs, if controlled by the egoic mind, will many times try to convince us that the worst is happening or is going to happen. Even without any evidence that it is true. By learning to base our beliefs off actual evidence vs perceived evidence we can go a long way in winning this part of the war with the ego.

3. Shoulds

A horrible word that as adults we would do well to work to strike from vocabulary.

As children we need shoulds! It helps to train us in good morals and values. As we become adults, hopefully those morals and values are so engraved in our spirit that we automatically do what is the right thing to do.

There are no shoulds in life. By telling yourself life should be a certain way or people should behave in a certain way all you are doing is creating unhappiness within. We can’t control other people nor can we control life itself. All we can control is ourselves, our own beliefs, and our own actions. Additionally, by telling yourself something should happen you set the risk of the ultimate disappointment, as many times shoulds never transpire in the physical world.

4. What Ifs/What to Do

Our egoic mind is wired to think of worst case scenarios and to make us feel as though we “should” be doing something. Just like by eliminating our shoulds we find more peace and less stress, the same will occur when we stop asking what if and what should I do.

Lets address the what should I do question. Anytime you have to consciously ask yourself what you should do you are already falling into the ego mind trap. The flow of life happens when we just participate in it. This is when the true self can be at its best.

This leads to the next part – What if? As soon as you ponder the idea of just participating in life your ego will attack with a barge of what ifs. What if my life gets worse? What if I look like a fool? What if others make fun of me? What if I do something stupid? What if I loose all my money? What if I never succeed? What if my relationship falls apart?

The problem with what if is that it relates to the evidence factor previously mentioned. There is no evidence that the what if will be true. What if I ask her out and she says no? Then you move on. More importantly, what if you ask her out and she says yes? That can lead to a new relationship! Things won’t always work out in life – but that’s life!!! We shrug our shoulders, pick ourselves up, and move on.

If we do nothing, however, but wonder “What if?” we end up missing out on life entirely. Who really wants to do that?

5. Stories

Another common way our ego attacks is through negative story telling.

In cognitive psychology and therapy people are taught that A plus B = C.

A stands for activating event. This is the actual event and a person’s interpretation of that event.

B is our beliefs about the event. Our beliefs are ever changing and sometimes they are rational and other times irrational.

C is the consequences we experience based on our beliefs about the event.

An example. A breakup would be the activating event. Holding the belief or telling ourselves the story that there are many fish in the sea and better to exit now than later will produce very different consequences from believing and telling ourselves the story that we aren’t worthy of love and our life is over! People choose their beliefs and stories that they tell themselves and they can change them anytime they want.

Whenever you catch yourself telling a negative story about yourself or life – you owe it to your true self to stop and co-author a new story that is more productive and useful to living.

Exceptions to Rules

This is not to say that there are never exceptions. Learning to mediate the battle between the true self and egoic self is not always easy, but it can be highly rewarding and life changing.

Ultimately, most of us have the same broad goals for life. Be happy, be loved, live a good life. What we must realize, and what is hard to realize, is that for many of us these goals have already been accomplished and we just need to enjoy them and be present with them.

That’s not to say we can’t think about or make any plans for the future – just don’t obsess about the future or let it control you in the present moment.

That’s also not to say we should entirely forget the past – the past holds many valuables lessons that are worth reviewing, but it isn’t beneficial to obsess over the past or allow it to control us and our beliefs in the present.

You are encouraged to review this information and discuss it with people that you are closes to.


Can a Psychic Healer Sense Other Healers?

Healing WorkshopFor November’s Question of the month it is asked can a psychic healer sense other healers? Additionally, there were a few other similar questions that were sent in which are going to be grouped together in the same post.

The main question was an interesting one sent in to me by one of our regular readers. Thankfully, the answer isn’t nearly as difficult to understand as some of our past questions of the month.

So, what’s the quick and easy answer? Yes. Not only is it possible for a psychic healer to sense another healer, but it happens frequently.

The reason for this is simple. Similarity in vibration. When two vibrations resonate in a similar fashion, it is typically easy for one vibration to pick up on that similarity. Sometimes, both vibrations will be aware of it without ever having to speak of it with each other.

Does it always happen? No. There will be times when one psychic healer will not be fully aware that they are in the presence of another healer. This is not common. It is far more common to recognize another healer. Still, we are all human and as such we are not going to be aware of all things all the time.

It is important to mention that most people are capable of learning psychic healing techniques. Just as everyone is capable of being psychic and getting intuitive or psychic information, so to is everyone capable of tapping into energy to use it in a healing manner. There are many ways to do this. I discuss some of the most basic ways in my article on introduction to energy healing.

Angel Touch, Quantum Touch, Aura Balancing, various styles of Reiki, various styles of Shamanic Healing, various type of healing magick, Massage Therapy, Tapping or EFT, pure energy healing, the list could go on and on. There are a great many healing techniques to learn about and from and the majority are capable of being combined together.

A person that has some degree of training in any of these techniques can, and many times will, sense when they are around or near another healer. A psychic without training in any of these can even sense or be told by spirit when they are in the presence of a healing energy.

Which Method of Healing Should I Study First?

This is an excellent question, but one without a truly right answer to give. You should ideally study whichever healing technique you are most drawn to and then branch out from there.

Many people start with some form of Reiki. Most any healing class is going to also teach you the basics of energy awareness along with aspects of their technique. You will find each technique or school of healing is slightly, and in some cases very, different. They all serve the same purpose. That is to bring the loving healing vibration into this world for those people that need it.

But How Does a Healer Sense Another Healer?

I already mentioned it has to do with vibration. For the most part, it’s just a knowing. Still, one popular way to sense healing energy in another is by putting your hand on top of their hand. If their hand is generating a lot of heat, that typically is one sign that a person is likely to have the ability to tap into healing energy.

Ultimately, when you study energy healing, you learn that we all have the ability to heal. We have the ability to heal both ourselves and to assist in the healing on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level of another.

Ever since we were children we’ve had this ability. This is one reason why our instinct is to place a hand over a wound right after it occurs. It’s also the reason many children seek out mommy or dads loving kiss to make it all better.

What this means is that a psychic healer isn’t so much sensing healing ability as they are the aptitude for someone to be professionally working as a healer.

Are All Healers the Same?

No. No two people are the same so why would two healers be the same. They may use the same technique, but even then their energy and approach will be different. You should never expect to have the same results from healer to healer.

One may end up working on your physical body, another your emotional or spiritual. Some work on the chakras and others work on your aura or energy in general. Ideally, you’ll find a healer that works for you and you’ll mostly stick with them. Perhaps trying someone else every now and again to have a different experience, but ultimately – as the old saying goes – don’t try to fix what isn’t broken.

How Do I Find a Healer I Can Trust?

Honestly, the best way is through word of mouth. If a friend has had great sessions with a particular healer, it’s certainly worth your time and effort to give them a try. Just remember, you’re not your friend and there is no guarantee you will have the same experience or results. Ultimately, it’s about finding someone that you resonate with and that you can leave feeling both good and better than you did before arriving.

Being a professional healer is a calling. A calling that, if ignored, leaves one feeling without a purpose or place within the world. If you’ve had this calling it’s important to explore it and find out what works for you and is right for you. Try locating a healer and talking to them in an effort to gather information. Most will be happy to share their story with you and many will be a powerful first contact in helping you to embrace the calling and putting it to use for yourself and the world.


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